2022.09.DisappearingMoment

Today falls in the midst of the Days of Awe: Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the Days of Repentance that bridge them. It is a chance to make things right with family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. A call to reset relationships. You can hold yourself accountable for hurting others. You can stop judging. You can make amends. You can apologize.

One of my favorite prayers is Ashamnu, an alphabetical acrostic (I love alphabetized lists). Ashmnu indexes the ways we hurt others. We own those actions as a community. By tradition, we beat our fists against our chests as we name each hurtful behavior. A few years ago, I learned that we can also cradle our hearts, with an open hand, forgiving others and ourselves.

I can use that cradle right now. I’ve never had more responsibility at work or more stressful family needs. I’ve also never felt better equipped to handle it. Whether we get more than we can handle is a question for the seminarians. And for the billions of people with stressors greater than mine.

For now, during these ten days, I’m seeking forgiveness and trying to forgive myself and everyone else. We all benefit from fresh starts.

Welcome to September 2022’s Disappearing Moment, an inventory of my experiences. I hope you enjoy it.

Podcasts

• Burn Wild (I Loved It): Leah Sottile usually covers white supremacists and their ilk. In this series, she looks at radical environmentalists. Are they terrorists? Are their actions justified?
• Phunky Diabetic (I Liked It): Katherine Itacy is an athlete, attorney, author, and advocate for people with disabilities. I had no idea how little I knew about diabetes.
• Shameless Acquisition Target (A Personal Favorite): A podcast addict’s podcast. Laura Mayer does for podcasting what Charlie Kaufman tries to do for film.

Nerdy Software

I’ll never rely on Google again: Google doesn’t care about you. For email, I've been happy with Fastmail for eight years and counting.

Bougie Products

For ten years, my daily work shoe has been Dr. Martens vegan Felix Rub Offs. Two cons: the two-week break-in, and you can’t resole them.

Personal Finance and Investing

Limit orders cost the same as market orders (i.e., free at many brokers). I like them because they encourage objectivity rather than “animal spirits”.

Reading

• Chris Gayomal, I Wish I Was a Little Bit Taller (Worth My Time): If I could be taller and maintain my proportions and strength, what would I pay? What would I choose to endure? I’m ashamed to say.
• Sebastian Mallaby, The Power Law (2022) (I Loved It): Like Hollywood, the power in venture capital is white, male, and Californian. And, like You Must Remember This, Mallaby’s story is riveting and persuasive.

What I do to avoid and address back pain

I had significant, periodic back issues for several years. At times, it was overwhelming. My muscles would tighten, contorting my ribs, hips, and shoulders.

I had several x-rays and two MRIs. I saw a spine specialist. I was fortunate: Dr. Jay Zampini prefers discussion to surgery. What he wanted was evidence, both from the tests and from me. He had me keep a journal. I documented what preceded severe pain. How long it lasted. What may have helped. That journal is the basis for the list below.

Dr. Zampini warned me that relief might be an illusion. Sometimes people have a long period of pain followed by a decade without pain as the spine stiffens. If he’s right, I’m in year seven of that decade. I have no idea what happens next. Even without that warning, this wouldn’t be medical advice.

• Journal: There’s no substitute for evidence.
• Ibuprofen: I take some as soon as my back feels tight.
• Standing Desk: I’ve used one for about ten years. I feel better when I stand.
• Running: Slower on the roads, faster on the track, no more than three times per week.
• Lifting weights, including cautious work on strengthening my abs.
• Yoga: At most once per week, with no jumping, and gentle back bends and forward folds.
• Shoes: Dr. Martens for work, which I replace when the heels start to wear. Minimal, zero drop sandals and shoes for running and casual wear.
• Pillows: A good, firm pillow under my head, a soft pillow between my knees (I’m a side sleeper).
• Car Seat Position: Upright and close to the steering wheel (see Esther Gokhale’s 8 Steps to a Pain-Free Back).
• Yoga Block: When my spine starts to spasm, I squeeze a yoga block between my knees. It usually pops my hips and releases a lot of tension.
• Heat: Showers, baths, and heating pads help my muscles release.
• Backpack: Small, light, with as little in it as possible. I wear the straps over both shoulders.

Thanks for spending a few moments with me. I look forward to corresponding again next month.

Brett