2023.03.DisappearingMoment

I watched three high school hockey games this month.

• The first was the 3A semi-finals of the Flyers Cup.
• The second was the final game of the Flyers Cup. It also served as the Eastern Regional Championship.
• The third and final game was the State Championship, East vs. West.

My friend Adam's son, Aries, was the starting goalie for the LaSalle Explorers in all three games.

• LaSalle won the first game, 3-0.
• LaSalle won the second game, 2-1. In overtime. That was tough. Aries was named MVP of the Eastern Regional 3A tournament. That was pure joy.
• LaSalle won the State Championship, 7-3.

I've known Aries his whole life. Since long before his life seemed possible. Adam and I became friends at 14. We were 4 years younger than Aries is now.

I know how hard Aries has worked to get to this point. I know because of how many miles Adam has driven him. How many camps Aries has attended. How many practices and games Adam attends.

I wouldn't call any of it a sacrifice. Not the time or money. Aries has loved just about all of it, and he's a great kid. He's kind, appreciative, and he loves hockey. In many ways, it was the opposite of a sacrifice, for Aries and Adam. I know because Aries lights up when he talks about hockey. And Adam lights up when he talks about Aries. Back in the day, when Adam and I would hang out, we'd talk about all kinds of things. We'd shit talk and crack each other up. We'd support each other through tough times. Now we mostly talk about Aries and Aries's younger brother, River.

Adam can't keep.his eyes dry when he talks about his boys. Neither can I. Being with them isn't a sacrifice for him, not for Adam or his wife, Kirsten.

If there's any sacrifice, it's in fighting the desire to protect them. The toll it takes. Watching Aries face frozen pucks fired by some of the best teenaged hockey players in the state.

Each shot, each face off, tightened my lungs. I wanted to throw myself in front of him. I wanted Aries to be safe. To remain a kind, appreciative, charmed boy in love with a game. I wanted the game to love him back. For the spectators to love him no matter where the pucks landed.

There’s a succinct, less dramatic way to make this point. This month we moved from Ohio back to New Jersey and into a new home. I started a great new job as executive director of the New Jersey Library Association. I once again live close to my family and people I’ve loved for decades. As much as I’ve experienced this month, what I want to share with you is a boy playing ice hockey.

I can only imagine how this month has felt for Adam.

Welcome to March 2023’s Disappearing Moment, an inventory of my experiences. I hope you enjoy it.

Podcasts

• Award Travel 101 (I Liked It): LARP. Escape Rooms. Wordle. Picking stocks. The same impulse leads some to get dozens of credit cards for the travel discounts.
• Emerald Triangle (Worth My Time): Yet another true crime podcast. Marijuana farming gone wrong.
• I Am America (A Personal Favorite): Executive Producer Tracee Ellis Ross has put together a dream team. Nichole Hill conducts interviews with people who have done extraordinary things.
• Road to the Trials (I Liked It): Five women and three men qualifying and preparing for the US Olympic marathon trials. I’m a sucker for a sports documentary.

Nerdy Software

I needed a scale drawing of my bathroom to test a remodeling idea. Excalidraw made this sketch (or any chart) painless and fun.

Bougie Products

Proraso Classic shaving cream. Cruelty free and vegan. Made in Italy. Works a charm. Menthol. Eucalyptus. To. Die. For.

Personal Finance and Investing

Get comfortable painting rooms. Or develop other skills that are fun for you, give you a sense of satisfaction, and save you money.

Reading

• Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money (I Liked It) (2020): Sound, standard advice. Some things bear repeating.
• Lewandowsky, Cook, Lombardi, et al, The Debunking Handbook 2020 (free PDF): You don’t have the same beliefs that I do because you’re stupid.
• Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous (I Loved It) (2019): Delicate and devastating. Listen to Vuong's audiobook and pity the Greeks who only had Homer and some gods to souvlaki their hearts.

Albums 13-20 (of 129)

• Cluster, Zuckerzeit (1974): Varied and original even by the high standards of mid-70s German electronic pop. Music for Flughäfen.
• Pet Shop Boys, Behaviour (1990): I assumed the non-singles were perfunctory. The toll paid so the Boys could hang out with Liza, Dusty, Bernard, and tweak Bono. I assumed wrong.
• Reverend Horton Heat, Liquor in the Front (1994): Calexico + Motörhead? Amen!
• Beulah, When Your Heartstrings Break (1999): This is what I think of when I think of pop. Those Elephant 6ers mining my veins.
• Conor Oberst, Upside Down Mountain (2014): Oberst is as clever and vulnerable as his fellow fin de siècle American troubadours. E.g., Jeffs Mangum and Tweedy, Elliott Smith, et al.
• The Beths, Future Me Hates Me (2018): In her rock star days, Beth was described as “Every Indie Boy’s Dream.” There are no coincidences.
• MILCK, Into Gold (2020): Funny, geeky, sly, genuine. My kind of revolution.
• RM, Indigo (2022): Brilliant, humble, and generous. Runners are faster. Dance music is more interesting. Hello, 2023.

Thanks for spending a few moments with me. I look forward to corresponding again next month.

Brett