I'm writing this with my little cat, Suki, on my lap. If you know our four cats, she's the smallest. The one who wears a collar.
Suki is dying a lot faster than the rest of us. She hasn't eaten much in the last few days. Her back legs, which stopped working well a couple of months ago, have gotten much worse. She sleeps, drinks, and toddles.
She also yells. Her meows became more forceful when she went deaf about a year ago. Not that being deaf bothers her. (Nothing bothers her.) The world added more surprises. You're scratching my cheeks! How wonderful! I didn't even know you were there!
In her youth, she was a daredevil. She would seek out ways to explore the limits of her leaping ability. She was cool in a way that helped me understand what we mean by cool. She loved a party and she loved being alone. She had a sense of humor that didn't involve belittling others or herself. She would come when we called because she knew we would only call her if we had something fun in mind. Our attention made her feel loved. Her attention made us feel seen, appreciated, vibrant.
We know what we need to do. We know it needs to happen soon.
I tested positive for Covid this morning. Beth is getting sick and seems likely to test positive in the next day. We hope Suki can hold on until it's safe to bring a veterinarian into our home. We'd like for her last experience to be somewhere she feels safe. Nothing bad should ever happen to this little cat.
The world is full of unspeakable horror. It's more than anyone can bear. The idea that one little cat, one tiny bit of light, can live a life of joy and comfort and wonder. It feels like something. Like a bulwark. A possibility.
Welcome to October 2023’s Disappearing Moment, an inventory of my experiences. I hope you enjoy it.
AppCleaner removes all signs of an app when it's time for it to go. Testing apps is more fun when I know there's no downside.
Yoder Leather Company's makes one vegan item. Its Forever Belt is the best made vegan belt I've had, and also the most versatile.
Investment Clubs are like book clubs or co-ops. You pool some fun money and decide how to invest it. I've learned a lot through mine.
Deena Kastor, Let Your Mind Run (2018) (I Liked It): For Kastor, each race becomes its own compelling story. That's difficult to do. She makes me want to be a better runner.
Thanks for spending a few moments with me. I look forward to corresponding again next month.