This past weekend, a friend and I took a road trip to visit another friend in Richmond, VA. I spent four glorious days with two smart, strong, straight, cis women. It felt like every conversation had the same subtext: we are children. Men, especially, and everyone else, too.

We are ashamed, explosive, and isolated stress-responders. The things we want and say, the way we dress and eat and entertain ourselves. We are the parade of men in The Husbands (see below). We are the seedbed of pettiness and tragedy. (Which my congregation, Kol Tzedek, inhabited and exorcised during High Holidays this month.)

Juvenility is pervasive and uncompromising. Our parents and siblings and supervisors see us with kindergarten-level nuance. We mainline schadenfreude and righteous indignation. We dull and heighten. We pay people to touch us, listen to us, change our appearance, remove us from ourselves. From the children we wish we never were and want to escape and reclaim. We are calling out, demanding better, forging boundaries, seeking community.

Don’t just do something, sit there: our problems stem from our inability to sit quietly in a room alone. The only way out is through. You must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. The only reward of virtue, is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.

Welcome to September 2026’s Disappearing Moment, an inventory of my experiences. I hope you enjoy it.

Bougie Products

I wanted to replace a television that our cat broke with a non-spying “dumb” TV. I found an “open box” LG “Commercial Monitor” on eBay.

Personal Finance and Investing

In “Identity Theft, Credit Reports, and You,” Patrick McKenzie gives good advice for self-advocacy and negotiation, especially with institutions.

Reading

• Taffy Brodesser-Akner, “Tom Hiddleston on Taylor Swift, Heartbreak, and Great Bolognese” (I Loved It): Reputation is torture. Especially if one has designs on adulthood.
• Tracy Durnell, “Formatting as Courtesy to the Reader” (I Liked It): "Proper" punctuation and prescribed use of capital letters promote accessibility. I adore voice and I wish writers and designers would mitigate potential harm.
• Holly Gramazio, The Husbands (2025) (I Loved It): My favorite kind of novel. It is sparse and funny, with normal people in an abnormal situation.
• Kelly Link, “Lull” (I Loved It): This is a short story to reread and revisit and start over again and again. A great pairing with The Husbands.

Brettsplaining

I consolidated my feed subscriptions with the Online OPML Editor. The feeds I check daily, I re-added to NetNewsWire. I check the rest with Artemis.

Survey

There were thirteen responses to last month’s survey. Six people responded with, "Neither I, nor my employer, has paid for me to work with a professional coach." Four people have worked with a "Business or Executive" coach; "Health and Wellness," "Financial," and "Career" each received one vote.

Coaching is still on my mind: I had my first three full-day, online classes at George Mason University’s professional coaching certification program. I'm working through my understanding of coaching philosophy and practices, and want to test my assumptions. Please consider playing along. (Note: You can only pick one answer, so if more than one answer applies, or if none of them apply, please choose the one that feels the most applicable.)

To see the survey and respond to it, you have to subscribe via email and answer it through an email interface.

CliftonStrengths: 2026 vs. 2019

2026

1. Achiever
2. Learner
3. Individualization
4. Analytical
5. Strategic

2019

1. Input (#11 in 2026)
2. Strategic
3. Relator (#20 in 2026)
4. Analytical
5. Responsibility (#6 in 2026)